1. Did you know there are over 15,000 assisted suicide facilities in the United States. We don’t call them that, we call them McDonald’s.
2. I saw an ad for Cinnabon: “Choose your obsession.”They should have better announcements in the interest of public health. How about? “Choose your disease.”
3. 8.ISIS is stupid.Rather than blowing the ancient artifacts, why not just threaten to destroy them and collect ransom? It’s nice to have extra money for wining and dining. 72 virgins are good. 72 virgins who are happy and willing are even better!
4. Here is a creative way to achieve world peace. Round up the Neo-Nazis from the west and send them to the middle-east to fight ISIS. If they win, they rule those countries and become our allies. If not, they are guaranteed a cabinet position in the Trump administration. Either way, America still wins!
5. I saw on CNN thatthe US population is getting older. They have a chain of new stores, “Forever 91.”
6. I think it will take some time for self-driving cars to become mainstream. No, it’s not the technology. They have to figure out who will get sued ifa self-driving car runs over some person.
7. I read this incredible study that said Bill Gates has so much money that it won’t be worth for him to pick up a $100 bill from the ground because in that amount of time, he could make way more money. How can you live your life knowing that you are losing money doing practically everything you need to do? That poor guy... if he takes a shower, he loses $18,000, a shave is $12,000 and it probably costs him $5,000 to wipe his ass.
8. When I travel, I hate those immigrant drivers for rental car shuttles. They are so helpful. They make eye contact, smile at me and take my luggage out. And I say, “Damn it. Now I have to tip you!”Give me a good American driver who cares about nothing, except his cell phone.